Darkness
by Tiva4evaxxx
Summary: The silence was only broken by her uncontrollable sobs, racking her body.' Lisbon needs help, and she knows who to call. Jisbon-y. Warning: Rape. Hence the rating.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys :) This will be a two shot probably, or maybe a three shot. It's pretty dark (for me) and i'm scared it's a little OOC but don't kill me :P I hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: Me? haha, i own nothing. Actually it's really not funny... it's pretty sad :( Nevermind *sighs***

It was black, so dark. Not that she could tell, her eyes were shut tight, like if she tried hard enough none of it would've happened, or been real. The silence was only broken by her uncontrollable sobs, racking her body. Her hands were sore, and probably red from trying to fight. Eventually she'd given up. She'd just lain there crying. And now here she was, lying on the hard cold pavement and the tears just wouldn't stop. Her battered and bruised body was curled up in a ball as raindrops lightly fell on her freezing cold and pale skin.

She'd never felt so helpless in her entire life.

She wanted to stop crying so badly, just for a minute, but they refused to cease for even a second. She knew she had to do something, so mustered up the little scraps of energy and will she had left and sat up, and propped herself against the wall, the bricks scraping her back through the thin ripped t shirt she had on. It was raining harder now, and her tears were mingling with the rain beating down on her face or maybe they were all tears, there was so many it was hard to distinguish the difference.

Now that her eyes were opened, and had adjusted to the light, or rather lack of it, she couldn't see much, but could at least make out some basic shapes. Including a small pile of clothes that were soaked through now, but she pulled them on anyway, not wanting to feel anymore exposed physically than she was feeling mentally.

Shivering even more than before, she reached out, with an unsteady trembling hand to feel around her. It hurt her small, delicate hands which were raw and had lots of cuts on them. But it was worth it as a sense of relief washed over her when she felt the small, rectangular object that was her cell phone.

Shaking still, she grasped her phone and raised it up to look, it was still working. The relief she felt was huge, and washed over her in waves, but it just made her cry more. There wasn't any doubt in her mind as to who she would call, she pressed speed dial 1.

It rang once.

Then again.

A cheerful voice answered, like it wasn't very late at night and an odd hour to be calling - it sounded like he was smiling, "Lisbon my dear, why are you calling me at what one o'clock in the morning? Want some company?" Her consultants teasing, light tone made it difficult for her to go on. She sat and cried silently for a few seconds, trying to compose herself.

"Lisbon?" Jane asked, his tone still cheerful, but more curious.

She gave up the trying to compose herself and drew in a ragged breath, "Jane," she said her voice trembling, she couldn't continue and started to sob again.

Damn it, why couldn't she speak without breaking down in tears? Why couldn't she stop shaking? Why did everything hurt so much?

"Lisbon?" His voice was frantic with worry, "Teresa?"

"I'm…. I'm sorry." She said crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I….I, they," he could hear her crying down the phone.

"Don't worry," he said, trying to be soothing, "Where are you? Are you at home?"

"Umm, I'm in an alley, I think a couple of blocks away from my apartment," she said, slightly more collectedly.

His blood ran cold as it dawned on him. An alley. God no. No. Not her…

"I'm coming to get you,"

"No, you don't have to do that…. I, I don't even know why I called." She said in a panic, she'd just needed to hear his voice, he couldn't see her like this.

"No chance, I'm coming to get you, stay where you are."

In despair, she started to cry again, he could hear it even though she was trying to muffle it.

"What happened Teresa?" He asked fearfully. He so desperately didn't want it to be that horrific, dirty thought that couldn't help linger in the back of his mind.

"Patrick," she paused, "I…. they…. I've been raped," she whispered, tearfully the reality of the situation hitting her.

His worst fears confirmed, he was already out the door, "Shush," he said, in a voice he was trying to keep calm and not upset and angry, which is how he was really feeling. "It's gonna be ok, I'm coming to get you."

She couldn't speak, so just cried.

Not only had this happened, now Jane knew, he was coming, and he was going to be unbearably nice and supportive and she'd told him what had happened. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was going to break those walls down she'd built so carefully around herself and now all it was going to take was a couple of hours.

She felt so weak, and vulnerable. God, she hated it so much.

Yet she still hadn't stopped crying.

**What do we think? Please review! And if you liked this you could always go check out some of my random Mentalist one shots... it's just an invitation!**

**Thanks for reading, and hopefully reviewing!**

**Emily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks sooo much to everyone who reviewed, you people who just put me on story alert, well meh is all i have to say! :P This chapter is a bit less emotional, and i think it's pretty OOC so i apologize. But enjoy :)**

Chapter 2

"Teresa, Teresa talk to me." Jane said, driving in the car.

"You shouldn't be on the phone while you're driving Jane, it's dangerous."

He heard the worry in her voice, and knew she was probably thinking of her mother.

"I've got hands free," Jane lied.

"No you haven't," Lisbon said, "I've been in your car before, and you haven't."

"If you think I'm going to put the pone down you have another thing coming." He said firmly.

"Ok," she said, so quick to be defeated, it was not like her.

Then he reminded himself she wasn't herself. She wasn't ok.

He swallowed; he just had to get there quickly. He'd promised, if she needed him he'd be there. He was going to be there now. But it was too late, really if he was honest with himself. If he'd have been able to protect her she wouldn't be in this position. But he'd been unable to protect her. Just like he'd been unable to protect his wife and daughter.

"Are you hurt?" he said, trying to keep his voice under control.

Tearfully she replied, "Um, I don't think so. Some cuts on my hands…" her voice trailed off.

"Are you stood up?"

"No I haven't tried yet."

"Ok, wait for me to get there, just, just stay where you are."

"I'm cold."

"I know honey," he cursed himself for use of that word, "I'm nearly there I promise."

She curled up again on the ground, the phone clutched to her ear and the rain beating down.

"How far?"

"Just a few more minutes Teresa,"

"I'm so cold," she whispered.

"I know, I know, you're going to be fine." He said soothingly.

"How can you be so sure?" She whispered again shaking.

"Because you have to be."

"That's not a very good reason."

He paused slightly. "Yes it is,"

"Patrick?" He noted the use of his first name.

"Yes." He replied, keeping his tone steady and even.

"Please don't make me go to hospital."

He sighed, damn her, "We'll see."

"I just want you to take me home," she begged, crying.

The soft, helpless tone in her voice hurt him so badly, "How about I take you home first, then we'll see." It was only a few blocks away, then he could assess her and decide whether she needed hospital treatment or not.

"Ok. Are you nearly here?" She asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"Very nearly, I think I'll be near you very soon, can you see car lights yet?"

"Ummm… yes, there, there."

"I'm going to hang up now, ok?"

"Ok," she said softly. And the line went dead.

"Lisbon? Lisbon?" His voice yelled, finally showing the fear and worry he'd been feeling all this time.

"Over here," she tried to shout, holding her phone up so the light from it would show him her location.

He saw her phone and ran over to her, he could see her, knees clutched to her chest and lying on the cold floor.

"Jane," she whispered, her voice flooded with relief.

He couldn't speak, he just looked at her. And it broke his heart. Her beautiful, normally bright and shining green eyes were filled with pain and fear. And helplessness. She was soaked through, shivering and crying silently.

Finally coming to his senses, he spoke, "I'm here now,"

"Patrick…"

"Shush, don't speak." He gently tucked some hair behind her ear, and pressed a finger to her freezing cold lips.

"I'm going to carry you to the car,"

"You don't need to do that…"

"Come on, this will be quicker, and then I can get you home."

"Ok." She said, not bothering to put up a fight.

He put a hand under her back, and saw her flinch. "It's ok, it's me I'm not going to hurt you."

She just nodded.

He put his other hand under her and she flinched again, he didn't comment – he knew it was normal after…. After what she'd been through.

He pulled her up, she was light as a feather her form in his arms was so small, so petite and delicate. Her t shirt was ripped open, showing her bra and bare some bare stomach. The skin was such a pale white in contrast to the dark, cruel red cuts and deep purple bruising. He could feel the familiar anger swelling up inside of him, except this time it was fresh. He wasn't used to it.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"What?" He asked, stunned.

"I'm sorry, for making you come out here"

"You have nothing, to be sorry about, do you hear? Nothing. I'm just glad you called me, instead of being stubborn and insisting on doing everything yourself."

"Yeah, well the thought had crossed my mind…" she said wearily.

"Sorry, you shouldn't talk."

"Fine," she said sighing, and turned her head so it was buried in his chest. He watched her and felt his heart break again.

"Can you stand?" He asked as they reached his car.

"Yeah, I think so."

He gently put her feet down, but still supported her with one arm as he opened the car door.

A few minutes later they were on their way to Lisbon's apartment, they were both silent no words were wanted, nor needed.

When they got there, they were still silent.

As he carried her up, she didn't protest, just was tense but otherwise lifeless in his arms, her eyes shut.

She felt ashamed, embarrassed – and she knew she shouldn't ate least she'd managed to hide that from Jane so far, but he'd realize in her apartment. Maybe she could make him go away… that was definitely wishful thinking.

He found her spare key (damn him), apparently it was obvious.

When they got in, he laid her down on her couch, and sat on the floor beside her.

"Go away Jane," she said hiding her face and trying and failing to make it sound like she was in control.

"I wouldn't consider that as an option, even if you weren't still crying and attempting to hide it." He said, but softly, not in a taunting way like he sometimes did.

"Please," she said her voice cracking,

"Look at me," he said, "please"

She turned, but avoided his eyes.

He sat, and searched her gorgeous tear stained face, "You shouldn't be ashamed,"

Damn him, she tried so hard to stop crying, but it seemed the harder she tried the faster the tears fell. He placed a hand on her cheek, and she flinched, "Sorry," he said, removing it.

"Don't." she whispered.

"Ok," He said, putting it back, but she flinched again, "I'm not going to hurt you,"

"I know, I, I just, I'm sorry it's not me, it's…"

"Shush, I know."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"No,"

"Ok. What do you want? Are you hungry?"

"I've lost my appetite." She said, "But I want to have a shower."

"Ok. But you should eat something."

"If I promise I'll eat something will you go?"

"No,"

She sighed, "You're not gonna leave are you?"

"Look at you, what do you think? Are you still cold."

"I'm a bit better, but, I want to shower, I feel, I feel dirty," she admitted,

"Don't be embarrassed," he said, looking into her eyes, "come on, I'll help you up,"

"Ow," she said, and Jane quickly supported her other shoulder, "My ankle's a bit sore."

"I'll take a look after you've had your shower." He said looking down at her still tearful eyes.

"Come here," he said opening his arms, "It will help," he said softly.

He very, very gently wrapped his arms around her. She flinched, and tensed up.

"It's me, you're safe."

"I know," she whispered.

She relaxed a little.

"See, you're doing great."

And a bit more.

Bit by bit until she was completely relaxed, pressed into Patrick Jane's safe, warm arms.

And she cried.

"That's it, let it out," he coaxed, it was good to cry, it was unhealthy to bottle emotions like that up.

She sobbed till her body was shaking in his arms, but he just held her tight.

"You safe," he murmured.

And she did, for the first time in the last couple of horrific hours, she felt safe and secure.

"If you tell anyone about this I'll shoot you," she managed to get out in between sobs.

He smiled just a little, his Lisbon was definitely still there.

**What do you think? Now remember the ff equation:**

**more review = quicker UD's**

**We like the pretty green button in sort of ...................................................................................that direction llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll ish**

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	3. Chapter 3

**This is for Jenn, (Shopping-luva91) because she's the one who kept bugging me to UD this! And i finally am :P Thanks for your great reviews last chapter, keep it up! :P lol. Enjoy.**

Chapter 3

"On second thoughts, I really should take a look at that ankle now," He was thinking strategically.

She pulled away from his embrace, and gave him a pleading look; she knew what he was trying to do – stall.

"You said you wouldn't."

He looked at her, that vulnerable, little girl look on her face, the slight wobble to her voice. All genuine, but he couldn't let that sway him. He would try a different approach, attack her moral beliefs.

"Don't you think the," he couldn't bring himself to say people, they were less than human, "things that did this to you should pay? You're all about justice Teresa; it's why you're a CBI agent isn't it? Wouldn't it be the right thing to do? If it were Grace in this position, wouldn't you want her to come to you?"

"Yes," she whispered, "but it's not and no one, do you hear me no one else on the team is going to find out about this."

"Ok," he continued soothingly, "But still they should pay, what if they do this to someone else? What if they do worse next time?" She looked at him wide eyed, with eyes full of fear.

He pulled her close again, breathing in the scent that was pure Lisbon; that he knew and loved. "You need to do this for yourself, or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it and you won't ever be able to do what you most want to do right now and forget that this ever happened. You'll be wasting time thinking about 'what ifs'."

Burying her face into him again she moaned, which was enough to distract him. "Ok," she mumbled bringing him back to reality, "Fine,"

"You're still very cold," he said softly, "I want to get you checked out anyway,"

"I'm fine," she said unconvincingly shivering slightly.

"No you're not, and you really should get checked out – it could be hypothermia."

"You worry to much,"

"Then do this for my piece of mind," he said quietly they held eye contact and she sighed and looked away. "Teresa please don't shut me out,"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you too."

"No, I mean why do you care so much?" She asked quietly.

He gulped, he hated lying to her but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth, "because I'm falling in love with you," he said inside his head, but his mouth came out with a different answer, that made him able to tell her half the truth, "Because you're the closest thing I have to a best friend." He didn't add "You mean the world to me," he couldn't bring himself to hurt her the way he was hurting. Unable to say those three little words that were slowly killing him, those three words that would turn both their worlds upside down. All he could do was scream them inside his head. How could he say 'I love you', how could he tell her when he was afraid if she let him love her, in the end he would be the one to cause her pain? He was broken, and unfixable. And couldn't bear to hurt her for his own selfish reasons. Maybe one day he would be ready, but until then he would keep his mouth shut, he had to be sure.

"We should get you to hospital,"

"It's 2a.m."

"I can assure you hospitals are open all night."

She looked at him again, and he had a sudden urge to hold her again, to try desperately to make her better. So he gave in to the urge and for the third time wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close breathing her in again. He wishes he could help her more, but the only thing he could do was show he cared. He felt her arms tighten around him, her hands balling up in the material of his shirt – scared that if she let him go he would slip away.

"We should go," he whispered, because if they don't move he's going to have a moment of weakness, well a bigger moment than he's already had. He's going to do something stupid like tell her exactly what she does mean to him, and that would lead to disaster. Even if he was ready, he couldn't do it tonight. Well, this morning. Not right after what she's just been through. He's pretty sure that when he does tell her, because he will one day, he's going to have trouble convincing her he's telling the truth. If he told her now, she would just think he was doing it out of pity or something equally as wrong and it would upset her even more. And the last thing he wanted to do was upset her.

"OK," she says sighing and she lets go of him, "You – you will stay right? With me at the hospital?"

How could she think he would leave her? "I'll never leave you." Jane replied, and he meant it. "I'd like to see them try keep me away."

She smiled slightly, "thank you, for everything."

"I'm glad you trusted me enough to call."

"I was thinking about what you said to me, during that case when we were eating the fruit about trust right before I rang you." She smiled again, a little.

"I meant every word,"

"I thought you might drop me."

"I would _never_ drop you Lisbon." He said, and again she smiled and looked in his eyes.

"I know. And thank you."

"I would never let you fall." He said softly. Quietly thinking by not being there, he had partly let her. It might not have happened, if… so many ifs.

Her eyes pierced his mind, like he could see what he was thinking "You can't always be there Jane,"

"I can try." He said.

**Please review... :P**

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	4. Chapter 4

**Short crappy filler chapter, sorry! But i felt bad for not UDing, and i go back to school tomorrow. So UD's are going to become less frequent. I hope you like it anyway though!**

Chapter 4

They drove to the hospital in silence. Each person lost in their own thoughts.

They pulled into the hospital parking lot, and when he parked the car they just sat there. She could feel the sense of dread rising inside her.

"I can't do this," she said suddenly shaking her head frantically, tears pricking her eyes.

"Hey, hey Teresa." She swallowed, "Teresa look at me," She turned to face him, she looked ashamed. Her eyes were watering, he could see she was trying desperately not to cry.

Her watery green eyes locked with his blue ones, desperation evident.

"You can do this," he said steadily.

"I can't, I, I… the team is going to find out if I take this to court…"

"Teresa Lisbon, you are the strongest person I know, you can do this."

She took a deep breath in, to steady herself.

"I'll go in by myself."

Ok, that was a shock, vulnerable to wanting to be completely independent in the bat of an eyelid.

"No way," he said.

"Jane,"

"Teresa," he said softly, "I'm not letting you go in there by yourself."

"Jane," she said, putting on her boss voice.

"No, no way _Teresa_" he stressed the use of her first name, "I'm coming with you."

"I don't need you," she said defensively, that stung a little bit, but he pushed his feelings aside.

He took her hand, "Look I know you're embarrassed, and if I read you correctly ashamed," she looked away from him, "Which there's no need for you to be. I'm going to be there for you in there."

He watched her as she decided to leave the 'boss' attitude alone. As much as she hated it, she was in a vulnerable state; in fact he thought she was doing pretty well considering what had happened. And he wanted her to let him look after her, what he really wanted to do was just sit and hold her all night, kiss her softly and whisper that everything would be ok. But that wasn't possible, he couldn't do that to her. It would be selfish and cruel. But what he would do was be there for her she was not going to through this alone, he was going to be there whether she liked it or not.

He got out the car and went around the other side to help her get out, her ankle was hurting her, he saw it in her face as she'd hoppled to the car earlier.

"What are you doing?" she asked him quietly.

"You shouldn't strain your ankle," he told her softly. He picked her up, and the close proximity to him made her break down again.

"I'm sorry," she choked out between sobs,

"It's better than keeping it bottled up," he said softly and held her tight.

"I, Patrick, I didn't mean what I said," she told him tearfully, "I don't want you to think I'm not grateful, I am, I, I do need you," she admitted.

_Not half as much as I need you_ he thought wistfully.

"You, you will stay?"

In that moment it took all the strength he possessed not to kiss her, to comfort her.

"Yes, of course I will, you ready?"

She nodded wordlessly.

When they went in the hospital, Patrick Jane barely recognized the fearful, nervous woman in his arms.

Jane caught the attention of a nurse, and waved her over.

He briefly explained the situation to the nurse for Lisbon, who buried her head in his chest.

"Sweetheart," the older, motherly nurse said, "I'm going to get you a room ok? I'll be with you in a minute."

Lisbon nodded again; she got a room, and changed into some pajamas of her own, that Jane had packed for her in an overnight bag.

She was laid in the bed, and Jane was sat by her side when the kind nurse came back in.

"My names Emma honey, now I know this is difficult but I need you to tell me what hurts."

"My ankle, I have a few cuts and bruises," she said shakily, "and, and…"

"It's ok, I get it."

"What's your name?"

"Teresa Lisbon, I'm an agent with the CBI."

"Ok, Teresa, I'm going to have to come back in a few minutes and do some not so pleasant tests," she nodded, "Ok, I'll give you a few minutes, but I need you to understand we have to report this, but seeing as you're a CBI agent,"

"I'll do it," she said quietly.

"Ok sweetheart, I'll leave you two now," she smiled at them.

"You ok?" Jane asked, concern tainting his voice.

"I'll be fine,"

He took her hand; it was small gesture, but a comforting one all the same.

"We will get the things that did this to you," he said in a disgusted voice.

She smiled weakly, "Thank you Patrick,"

"You're amazing," he told her.

"Not really," she laughed a little.

"Yes you are."

She would never admit it out loud, but if it weren't for Jane there was no way she would be where she was right now.

She had a lot to thank him for.

**Please review! Oh and does anyone have any good slow jisbon songs? I'm think about one of my other fics But Why.**

**If you have any suggestions please let me know! Preferably in a review *hee hee***

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	5. Chapter 5

**I know... it's stupidly short, but i wrote it when iw as bored in biology and decided you guys deserved an UD, cos an UD is an UD no matter the length. I hope you like it. I can't think of anything else to put in my an, because i am for some reason very sleepy. And am finding it difficult to keep my eyes open. =P No seriously. And it's not even late.**

Chapter 5

He wouldn't leave the room, he refused to go anywhere.

She told the nurses it would be pointless to argue, and he almost saw a ghost of a smile cross her face fleetingly, but in the blink of an eye it was gone, like he had perhaps imagined it.

He held her hand, a comforting gesture – a silent reminder that she wasn't going to do this alone.

While the nurses came in, being a gentlemen, he kept his eyes on just her face. Not that that was a particularly challenging task for him, however it pained him to see her beautiful eyes deadened a little, shimmering with hurt and more unshed tears which she was visibly fighting to keep at bay. Her head hung, dark locks of hair concealing part of her face, which was tilting away from him slightly, in shame.

On occasion her eyes would dart towards him, reassuring herself, almost checking that he was still there. His presence was a comfort, and they both knew it.

His hands itched to touch more of her, the smooth, warm skin of her hand wasn't enough, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear to make everything disappear, everything go away but the two of them.

It was just something else he wanted, something else he couldn't have.

When the nurse finished her tests, she handed Jane a sponge, some antiseptic wipes and a small box of bandages wordlessly. Then she turned to a unusually quiet and subdued Lisbon, and said to her smiling, "I figured you might prefer he did it than me," and then she winked. Lisbon attempted a smile, and wanting to thank her she opened her mouth to speak, but Emma shook her head, smiling kindly at her.

"I'll be back soon lovey," and she gently touched Lisbon on the arm and walked out the room.

As the sound of her footsteps faded away, Lisbon kept her head hung, away from Jane.

He didn't want to push her, so he just kept his mouth shut.

He gently unclasped his hand from hers, this got her attention, she tensed up slightly, struggling, torn between asking him why he had let go, or taking his hand back again.

He didn't make her choose, and reassured her with his eyes.

This whole thing was hurting him, hurting her. Making everything so much more difficult than it already is.

He reached in the small box which Emma the nurse had given him, and started with a cut on her arm.

Once she realized what he was doing she relaxed. Let her eyes close and enjoyed the sensation of his hands on her skin, he had a soft touch. She had always thought he would.

Neither of them spoke.

It was one of those situations where words weren't needed, where if either of them spoke the spell might be broken.

He gently wiped the antiseptic over the cut on her arm, and she drew in a ragged breath and closed her eyes. It stung – a lot.

Alarm flashed in his eyes, "I hurt you," he said, seemingly troubled by this.

"It just stung a little," they locked eyes.

"Liar," he said, but concern was still written across his face. "I'm sorry,"

"It's fine," she said quietly.

They sat in silence again, and he continued, if possible even more gently this time, smoothing a plaster to her skin.

She watched him, eyes wide and innocent. Everything about her was so appealing;

He couldn't take it any longer. He ached for it, for her.

Without a word, he leaned forward, and placed a sweet, unbelievably gentle kiss to her lips.

**I worry jane screwed that up... but it wrote itself - honest!**

**Please review. I just spent all weekend doing my 11 million bits of homework and haven't had a proper break. And i have an INSANELY busy week. No UD's except tomorrow cos that's my 1 year on ff mark =) I have a crappy little oneshot thing to post then... But i'm not kidding, i'm going to collapse in a heap on friday *groans* i'm not looking forward to this week. So reviews might help.... probably will, i love them so much. They are my coffee. So review =D**

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	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys..... i kinda decided to finish this. It's a kinda bad ending i know... but i needed to finish it. And it was good to write. This is for Hay (OutCold) awesome writer and friend =D, because we shouldn't feel bad - it's natural, and Hannah (YouGottaSingAlong) because she's also awesome. As a writer and friend. Love you both muchly =P**

Chapter 6

It felt like heaven should, he decided as his lips made contact with hers.

She closed her eyes as his lips moved again hers, he was being so gentle, so loving. It left her breathless how so much emotion could be conveyed in a single kiss.

He only stopped when he felt her wet cheeks – and then he froze. God he was so incredibly, unbelievably stupid. He had just screwed everything up. Absolutely everything.

That was the last thing she had needed, the very last. He came to his senses and broke away. He could see from the look in her eyes that the damage had been done, he'd shattered her.

In that moment, he loathed himself. Her delicate, pretty eyes overflowed with tears, they ran down her cheeks, leaving streaks in their path.

"I'm sorry," he said, a kind of shell shocked expression on his face, "I'm so sorry," he whispered, tears filling his own eyes upon seeing his hurt. What hurt him the most was the knowledge that this time; he was the cause of the heartbreak in her eyes. Him and his selfish needs. Everyone good, everyone who deserved so much more was always hurt by or because of him. And Teresa Lisbon, she deserved, so, so much more than he could ever give her. Than anyone could ever give her.

He'd told her that he would always catch her, that he wouldn't let her fall. He'd managed to catch her half way this time thinking, hoping, and praying that he might be able to reverse the damage that had been done. But he'd screwed up, and dropped her in the process. But now all he could do was pick her back up, and try to help her heal. And if she didn't he would never forgive himself.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked softly, praying she didn't.

She looked at him, and shook her head, "No," he was hesitant, but had seen the panic in her eyes and wanting to squash any of her doubts pulled her into an embrace. Burying his head into her hair breathing in, taking in her gorgeous spicy cinnamon scent.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, as he felt her body shake with sobs. He tightened his arms around her,

"Don't let go," she whispered.

"I'm not going to," he pressed his lips into her hair, "I'm sorry, that was too much,"

She nodded, and he swung his legs up onto the bed, to sit beside her and hold her.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked her,

She looked up at him, her face resting on his chest now. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she looked more alive than she had a few hours ago.

"I… it's just." She paused, "I've got so much going on in my head right now. I don't know what to believe. What to do… This sucks."

That made him smile a bit, "Yes it does."

Her eyes glazed over, and his heart leapt a little, concerned.

She sighed, "I love you,"

His heart beat about a hundred times faster in his chest, it took all his self restraint not to say, 'what' and it took all of it and a lot more not to kiss her.

She watched him, "I have for a while," she said softly, shaking with the tears that streamed down her cheeks. He wiped them away with the pad of his thumb gently, numbed into silence.

"I couldn't tell you," she answered the question she'd read in his eyes, "I couldn't," she cried, "You love your wife, the only reason you even met me, or work with me is because of Red John, which is all you really care about-"

He cut her off, "A part of me will always love my wife, but so much of it is guilt Teresa, guilt that her death was my fault. And yes, it's the only reason I met you. So I guess I have something to thank him for," he looked deadly serious, "But he is not the only thing I care about," he said, his voice breaking a little, and a tear slid down his cheek, "I care more about you than you could imagine," he brushed a stray lock of hair from her cheek.

"I love you," she began again, and he drew in a breath sharply, he wasn't used to hearing that, and from her… it sounded so beautiful.

Apprehensive, but sure of his actions, he kissed her forehead.

Her eyes closed, and she sighed "I'll get there," she said softly, "But I need time,"

"So do I, Teresa, so do I."

She smiled sadly, "I wish this had never happened, that I could give you what you want…"

"You're here, I'm here… this is what I want. I have you."

A tear escaped her eye, but this time it wasn't purely from sadness, anguish.

"I love you Teresa Lisbon," she smiled a little, "And it doesn't matter how long it takes, we'll get there. And, you know how we'll start?"

"How?"

"By getting these guys," he whispered, and a ghost of a smile passed her face.

**It's over.... i'm kinda sad actually. But there you go. Thanks for your reviews the whole way, they've been amazing really. I have a favor, even if you've never reviewed so far, for this last one, please do, even a 'good' would be great, obviously if you have more to say that's great but please do! Think about it - you want people to review your last chapter of a fic. It'd just be nice to know who read. =)**

**Thanks, ill miss this one!**

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